My morning: wake up, inform the alarm in my mobile that I am awake and it can shut up now, brush my teeth, rush through a shower, jump into some clothes, rush for tea and breakfast, grab my bike keys, bag and helmet and rush to my office.
What is missing here?
The newspaper.
I have almost completely stopped reading it, I do not follow news channels and I don't intend to in the near future either. I get all my news updates from twitter, the home page of Wikipedia English and occasionally Google news. Those who know me might say this is just another eccentric idea of mine to save paper and do my part of protecting our forests. Those who don't know me, but know people like me in general might say I am doing this because newspapers are "old fashioned", out dated and obsolete.
They would both be wrong. I don't read my newspapers because it is pointless.
A newspaper is worth reading if it is reporting things that need to be reported, if it can affect what I do or how I do something, or if it can give me information that will let me make a better decision. Here my newspaper does none of those. The articles on the front page cover the latest controversies, the inner pages cover current issues that have the potential of becoming the next big controversy and everything else- the international section, the sports and science sections have been outsourced to news agencies.
But why bother? If you don't like newspapers, don't read it. Besides, you already mentioned your alternate sources of information right? Why don't you just be happy with those and leave newspapers alone...
If that is what you are telling me, let explain why that is not how things work.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert in the field of game-theory or allied subjects.
Take a look at this situation.
Ram can build a hut in 5 hours and make a cart in 4 hours.
Sham can build a hut in 2 hours and make a cart in 3 hours.
Time Ram needs to build a hut and make a cart = 5 + 4 = 9 hours.
Time Sham needs to build a hut and make a cart = 2 + 3 = 5 hours.
Sham is better than Ram at both building a hut and making a cart. He does not need Ram. He can live by himself right?
No. Not really.
Suppose Ram ans Sham agree to trade: Ram builds 2 carts and Sham builds 2 huts. Ram trades a hut for a cart.
Time for Ram to build 2 carts = 4 + 4 = 8 hours.
Time for Sham to build 2 huts = 2 + 2 = 4 hours.
When they trade, Ram will have a hut and a cart after 8 hours of work, Sham will have a hut and a cart after 4 hours of work: both have to work 1 hour less!
This is the fundamental advantage of trading. And it only gets better: as Ram keeps making carts, he will become better and better at it and start doing it faster. Hence, the advantages of trade only increases with time. And they both will continue to enjoy the advantages if they continue to co-operate.
This is the reason why humans now live in societies and co-operate. Each person gets to do the thing they are best at and trade it for something else.
But what happens when this co-operation gets hijacked by a third person:
Suppose Arjun walks in with a sword and says "Ram, Sham, give me a house and a hut, and I will spare your life. If you don't obey me, I will kill you".
This is a problem says Ram. What are my options?
I live, Sham lives, Arjun lives: bad.
I live , Sham lives, Arjun dies: very good.
I live, Sham escapes, Arjun lives: Extremely bad. I need to build a hut and a cart for Arjun by myself!
I live, Sham escapes/dies, Arjun dies: not good, also not likely to happen, Besides, I'll be back to working 9 hours.
I escape, Sham lives, Arjun lives: not very good. I'll be back to working 9 hours.
I escape, Sham lives, Arjun dies: Pointless.
I escape, Sham escapes, Arjun lives: Pretty good. We can start over again.
I escape, Sham escapes, Arjun dies: Pointless. If Arjun dies, we don't need to escape.
In short, the best options I have are:
1. I live , Sham lives, Arjun dies: very good.
2. I escape, Sham escapes, Arjun lives: Pretty good. We can start over again.
3. I escape, Sham lives, Arjun lives: not very good. I'll be back to working 9 hours.
Working together, me and Sham can get rid of Arjun. Or working together, me and Sham can escape together.
So my best options come from working WITH Sham, and the next best thing to do, if Sham doesn't co-operate with me is to ditch him and flee.
---
On a much larger scale, this is happening with our government and us. We live together, co-operate and enjoy life. As part of this co-operation, some of us volunteer to manage administration and participate in a democratic process of forming a government, and everyone benefits and more importantly, you benefit.
What happens when this gets hijacked? The hijackers here are the corrupt politicians who play vote bank politics, embezzle tax payers money and return nothing positive to the community. Newspapers benefit by supporting the hijackers. The newspapers never go beyond the obvious, and start telling us we can trust each other and work together to get rid of them. You get the picture. What options do we have? Its pretty much similar.
1. You and I work together to get rid of the Arjuns here.
2. You and I escape and start afresh somewhere else.
3. I escape, and let you do what you please here.
The only difference, was that Ram knew he could trust Sham. They traded with each other, co-operated and came to a point when they knew they could trust each other. That is not always the case with you and I. You don't trust me, I'm homosexual. I don't trust you, you think I'm a disgrace to all creation for violating your so called "natural law" of heterosexuality and you would love to see me die.
Back in the days of the cold war, mathematicians developed a theory to model a situation where people don't trust each other. A classic example is the famous "prisoner's dilemma" problem
Two random people who don't know each other or trust each other decide to get together and rob a bank. They get caught. They are put into two separate cells and not allowed to communicate.
Each one is told:
1. You confess the other guy did it, and he doesn't confess, he goes to jail for 10 years, you walk free.
2. You don't confess, he confesses you did it, he walks away, you go to jail for 10 years.
3. Both of you confess, both of you go to jail for 5 years.
4. Neither of you confess, then if we find evidence, you'll both go to jail for 5 years. if we don't find evidence, you both walk away.
Although by not confessing, both of them have a chance to get away, they don't know how much to trust the other guy. They will reason the best option is to confess the other guy did it and both will land up going to jail for 5 years.
If Ram and Sham didn't trust each other, although by working together, they could have gotten rid of Arjun, they will reason the best option is to escape and leave the other one to his fate. In the end, they will both land up escaping, and will have to start from scratch again.
If we don't trust each other, I'm going to get out of here and and let you rot here with your crazy ideals. But there is a better way. We can trust each other. As a sign of my trustworthiness, I tried exposing a major hunting racket involving a lot of "VIPs". Someone up in the high office didn't like it. Sent a journalist after me to ruin my credibility and me. Dash had to kill her to save me.
I'm not sorry Dash. You and I both believe in the same thing. You gave up everything, even your dreams for setting this place right, just like I have to now. You did what you have to do.
I'm writing this on your behalf to tell the world that you are still here, alive and safe. To tell the world you are risking your life again for our sake. I'm telling the world they can count on you Dash.
We can get through this. You asked me who rules the world once.
Numbers rule the world Dash. It is numbers and people who understand them that rule this world. No matter what Ram or Sham choose, by their own free will, their actions will always be governed by numbers that tell them it is better to trade, it is better to trust.
You, reading this, listen to me now. The numbers are playing out in our favor. If we can trust each other, we can get rid of the Arjuns here. If you don't trust us, or each other, the brain drain will only continue as everyone opts for the next best option: flee this country and settle in the US or UK. This is our last chance to take a stand: will you work with me? Can we work together to get rid of the shit hijacking our country? Or will you just let me and Dash join the thousands of others who have already fled this place.
Where do we go from here?
You tell me.
-- Kevin
(If Dheeraj is your name Dash, then Kevin is mine.)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Through a blue lens(2)
One of the best movies of all times, "The sound of music", has a wonderful song. It goes:
Lets start at the very beginning,
A very good place to start.
When you read, you begin with
A-B-C
A-B-C
When you sing, you begin with
Do-re-mi......
When you sing you begin with do-re-mi... When you kill, you begin with load, point and shoot. 3 simple steps, a recoil, a splash of blood and a thud later, a life is gone, and its over. You can do it again if you want. Its really easy. All you need to do is point and shoot and wait for the thud of the lifeless body hitting the floor. There are some who say its an art. Others say its sport.
I disagree with both of them.
When you are someone in my position, you don't kill for fun. You don't kill if you can avoid it. Infact, its the last thing in a list of options - if you are sane enough to think up of a list of options being in my position - is killing someone.
But I'm Dash. I've gone from being the best particle physicist around to a camera man for a porno racket in the outskirts of Mumbai. I have an ex-girlfriend who thinks I deserted her as soon as she got pregnant. The person whom I live with today, the one person I would give up my life for, (or take someone else's as in this case), shares more than his shaving cream with me.
I will kill if I have to.
---
The police would find her body by the weekend.
It doesn't matter.
They'll get a positive identification within two hours. Nobody can identify a journalist faster than the police themselves.
It doesn't matter.
They'll find the murder weapon by about the same time. The ballistics will be able to confirm it was the murder weapon. Forensics will find finger prints on them. My finger prints.
It doesn't matter.
They'll trace the gun to its rightful owner. He'll say it was stolen. If he was smart, he'll have a copy of an FIR complaint filed two days ago to prove his gun was stolen.
It doesn't matter.
No one threatens your life. Not while I'm around. I might be a bar tender and a fucked up camera man, but she should have remembered I was more than just that a year ago.
I was the best physicist around, and I didn't get there by just lazing around.
I might live in a rat hole, and my head might be fucked up beyond recognition. But the life I see, through a blue lens, is still processed by one of the sharpest minds in the country. A few nasty incidents in life later, when she found herself at the bad end of a nozzle and me on the other side of it, she knew what was going to happen next. She closed her eyes and waited for it. Bless her, she spared me having to close her body's eyes.
---
There is something horribly wrong with this country isnt there? You know there is. I gave up my profession to find it. I abandoned the girl I thought I loved right when she needed me the most, just to prove it.
This is my story.
This is my story, as seen through a blue lens.
And I have a question for you before I leave today:
Who rules the world?
--Dash
Lets start at the very beginning,
A very good place to start.
When you read, you begin with
A-B-C
A-B-C
When you sing, you begin with
Do-re-mi......
When you sing you begin with do-re-mi... When you kill, you begin with load, point and shoot. 3 simple steps, a recoil, a splash of blood and a thud later, a life is gone, and its over. You can do it again if you want. Its really easy. All you need to do is point and shoot and wait for the thud of the lifeless body hitting the floor. There are some who say its an art. Others say its sport.
I disagree with both of them.
When you are someone in my position, you don't kill for fun. You don't kill if you can avoid it. Infact, its the last thing in a list of options - if you are sane enough to think up of a list of options being in my position - is killing someone.
But I'm Dash. I've gone from being the best particle physicist around to a camera man for a porno racket in the outskirts of Mumbai. I have an ex-girlfriend who thinks I deserted her as soon as she got pregnant. The person whom I live with today, the one person I would give up my life for, (or take someone else's as in this case), shares more than his shaving cream with me.
I will kill if I have to.
---
The police would find her body by the weekend.
It doesn't matter.
They'll get a positive identification within two hours. Nobody can identify a journalist faster than the police themselves.
It doesn't matter.
They'll find the murder weapon by about the same time. The ballistics will be able to confirm it was the murder weapon. Forensics will find finger prints on them. My finger prints.
It doesn't matter.
They'll trace the gun to its rightful owner. He'll say it was stolen. If he was smart, he'll have a copy of an FIR complaint filed two days ago to prove his gun was stolen.
It doesn't matter.
No one threatens your life. Not while I'm around. I might be a bar tender and a fucked up camera man, but she should have remembered I was more than just that a year ago.
I was the best physicist around, and I didn't get there by just lazing around.
I might live in a rat hole, and my head might be fucked up beyond recognition. But the life I see, through a blue lens, is still processed by one of the sharpest minds in the country. A few nasty incidents in life later, when she found herself at the bad end of a nozzle and me on the other side of it, she knew what was going to happen next. She closed her eyes and waited for it. Bless her, she spared me having to close her body's eyes.
---
There is something horribly wrong with this country isnt there? You know there is. I gave up my profession to find it. I abandoned the girl I thought I loved right when she needed me the most, just to prove it.
This is my story.
This is my story, as seen through a blue lens.
And I have a question for you before I leave today:
Who rules the world?
--Dash
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Shattered glass
One of the best moments in life is when everything in life is suddenly as clear as the sparkling blue surface of a freshwater lake. Everything that ever was, everything that is and everything that will be, a beautiful symphony of pointless causes and their effects dancing a dance that binds everything together as one.
And then, there are those times when you have to see this very same vision through a shattered glass, a disturbed mind, a frustrated soul.
When you know the world is perfect but you couldn't care less, when you know see cracks and distorted images everywhere, when the closest thing to peace you can think of is being left alone surrounded by the shattered fragments of glass...
That can safely be called one of the most frustrating moments in life. Right now, I happen to be there. I am disturbed. A million horribly harsh colours are being reflected a hundred times inside the glass shards in my head, denying me the luxury of being wrapped in darkness.
I am disturbed.
And then, there are those times when you have to see this very same vision through a shattered glass, a disturbed mind, a frustrated soul.
When you know the world is perfect but you couldn't care less, when you know see cracks and distorted images everywhere, when the closest thing to peace you can think of is being left alone surrounded by the shattered fragments of glass...
That can safely be called one of the most frustrating moments in life. Right now, I happen to be there. I am disturbed. A million horribly harsh colours are being reflected a hundred times inside the glass shards in my head, denying me the luxury of being wrapped in darkness.
I am disturbed.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Through a blue lens(1)
I am 6'3". I have a body that shows I've been hitting the gym for 2 hours every day for the past 7 years. I have straight jet black hair that almost always crowns any East Indian. If you've been to one of the higher end bars in Mumbai, you'll probably recognize me as the guy serving the tables closest to the washrooms.
I drive an old Yamaha rx100, I live in a 10x10 rathole in a corner of mumbai that you would not want to enter untill you've had all your shots. I call myself Dheeraj, Dash for short, though thats not my real name.
This is not my real life.
My real job isn't serving tables at a bar.
I don't have to live in a rat hole. I can afford a lot more. I repeat: I can afford a LOT more.
I just don't want to draw attention to myself. Because what I really am, does not go well with the society I live in. What I really do for a living, is illegal in my country.
You see, I'm homosexual and I'm the camera man for a local porn house.
Late at night, after my shift ends, I ride up a lonely road to a farm house hidden away on the outskirts. Here, I assume my real name. My real identity. A couple of desperate ladies wait outside for me. They enter with me. In the next three hours, they strip, they pose, they groan, they moan and they fuck. I capture them on my camera. I leave it in the usual place: the table next to the Mughal flower vase. Editing them, distributing them, finding the girl for the next night and managing our pays are not my job. I'm just the camera man. The photographer.
I see life through the blue lens.
---
I've been doing this for 5 years now. 5 years of looking through the blue lens can fuck up your thought process. 5 years of looking through a blue lens has fucked up my thought process.
---
I've got something to tell you. But you're going to have to wait for it. Now is not the time. Keep checking this blog for my return.
Dash
I drive an old Yamaha rx100, I live in a 10x10 rathole in a corner of mumbai that you would not want to enter untill you've had all your shots. I call myself Dheeraj, Dash for short, though thats not my real name.
This is not my real life.
My real job isn't serving tables at a bar.
I don't have to live in a rat hole. I can afford a lot more. I repeat: I can afford a LOT more.
I just don't want to draw attention to myself. Because what I really am, does not go well with the society I live in. What I really do for a living, is illegal in my country.
You see, I'm homosexual and I'm the camera man for a local porn house.
Late at night, after my shift ends, I ride up a lonely road to a farm house hidden away on the outskirts. Here, I assume my real name. My real identity. A couple of desperate ladies wait outside for me. They enter with me. In the next three hours, they strip, they pose, they groan, they moan and they fuck. I capture them on my camera. I leave it in the usual place: the table next to the Mughal flower vase. Editing them, distributing them, finding the girl for the next night and managing our pays are not my job. I'm just the camera man. The photographer.
I see life through the blue lens.
---
I've been doing this for 5 years now. 5 years of looking through the blue lens can fuck up your thought process. 5 years of looking through a blue lens has fucked up my thought process.
---
I've got something to tell you. But you're going to have to wait for it. Now is not the time. Keep checking this blog for my return.
Dash
Midnight call
Its midnight.
Only 9 hours away from a big exam.
You're deep asleep.
You're sleeping because you know you need to sleep if you have to do well in the exam hall.
Your friend calls you up crying. She's been dumped, and she's not able to take it well and you're the only person she can talk to. She asks you "Why? Why me?".
What do you do?
What do you say?
What can you do?
What can you say?
Sometimes, the closest of friends cost you more than just time, laughter and joy. Sometimes, you have to gamble BIG with your life for your friends. And sometimes, you'll have to choose between a big exam, and your friend.
Exams are important. They tell you how much you've gained out of a course. They tell you if you're ready to bear the responsibility of knowing something. They result in marks and grades and an official doccument that can haunt you for the rest of your life.
But here in India, exams are bullshit.
I chose my friend.
Epilogue:
I slept at three that night after a nice long talk. By the time I hung up, she was feeling much better. I woke up early enough not to be late for the exam. And surprisingly, I did well!
In the end, I guess the satisfaction of helping out a person you care about is just as rewarding as a good night's sleep. Next time someone decides to call me 9 hours before a big exam, and asks for help...
I know what to do.
Only 9 hours away from a big exam.
You're deep asleep.
You're sleeping because you know you need to sleep if you have to do well in the exam hall.
Your friend calls you up crying. She's been dumped, and she's not able to take it well and you're the only person she can talk to. She asks you "Why? Why me?".
What do you do?
What do you say?
What can you do?
What can you say?
Sometimes, the closest of friends cost you more than just time, laughter and joy. Sometimes, you have to gamble BIG with your life for your friends. And sometimes, you'll have to choose between a big exam, and your friend.
Exams are important. They tell you how much you've gained out of a course. They tell you if you're ready to bear the responsibility of knowing something. They result in marks and grades and an official doccument that can haunt you for the rest of your life.
But here in India, exams are bullshit.
I chose my friend.
Epilogue:
I slept at three that night after a nice long talk. By the time I hung up, she was feeling much better. I woke up early enough not to be late for the exam. And surprisingly, I did well!
In the end, I guess the satisfaction of helping out a person you care about is just as rewarding as a good night's sleep. Next time someone decides to call me 9 hours before a big exam, and asks for help...
I know what to do.
Elevator
Up and down
up and down
on and on
forever
Stride into me
run into me
in and out
on and on
I'll come for you
I'll let you in
walk through my doors
in and out
Call for me
summon me
I'll open up
walk through my doors
I'll take you up
I'll take you down
I'll only come when you call
I'll open up
But don't you see
how you're like me
deep inside you know
I'll only come when you call
Yet even your life goes up
your life goes down
forever
deep inside you know.
up and down
on and on
forever
Stride into me
run into me
in and out
on and on
I'll come for you
I'll let you in
walk through my doors
in and out
Call for me
summon me
I'll open up
walk through my doors
I'll take you up
I'll take you down
I'll only come when you call
I'll open up
But don't you see
how you're like me
deep inside you know
I'll only come when you call
Yet even your life goes up
your life goes down
forever
deep inside you know.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hell, its April 2010 already!
OMG! Its April 2010 and this is the first time I've felt like blogging in a really really long time!
Its been a hell of a ride since july 2009. Am I still living the life of my dreams? Hell yes! Life is awesome.
More about whts happening to me coming soon.....
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