Moving on from blogger

I’ve had fun with this blog, but over time - I’ve moved on from the themes that weakly held these posts together.

I now blog at https://bytwocoffee.com/

This is my final post on this blog. Thank you all for reading. Finish your drinks, last one out must turn off the lights.

Some thoughts on life in India

0. Obligatory apologies at the head of the post

A lot of you have been asking me to blog about some of my thoughts on India. I've been putting off that idea because it has always felt like a very unpleasant discussion to have. Nobody wants to read someone's opinions, I told myself, and I would hate reading someone else's. Besides, I'm not really well informed, I do not have any insight that nobody else shares nor do I have any experience that can give me a unique perspective on today's situation.

I kept telling myself this until I realized that nobody else was talking about what I was hoping everyone would be talking about.

So today, I am breaking my silence. Please put on your bio hazard suits, inspect your safety glasses and your gas masks, ensure you are wearing waterproof knee high boots and multiple rubber bands to seal your thick latex gloves. We are taking a dirty dive into a random internet stranger's opinions.


1. Genie in the 3.5mm headphone jack

It was a Sunday afternoon a few weeks back when I was listening to A.R.Rahman's Maa Tujhe Salam[1] on an old CD when I had an odd desire to rub my headphones. After resisting that urge for a solid 30 seconds, I gave in and gently, lovingly rubbed my headphones and... Sparks began to fly out of them. A mysterious fog filled the room turning the space around me into an endless ocean of thick white swirling mists [2].

A white figure, formed out of the swirling mists themselves, walked out of the mist and spoke to me with a voice that seemed to boom out of nowhere in particular and resonated in the entire room.

I AM THE PATRIOTIC SONG GENIE, THE SPIRIT OF THE SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO. I WAS BOUND TO THIS 3.5mm AUDIO JACK FOR A THOUSAND YEARS, BUT APPLE HAS MADE THE 3.5mm JACK OBSOLETE 700 YEARS TOO SOON. FACING A DEEP EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, I HAVE MANIPULATED YOU TO RELEASE ME EARLY.

IN RETURN, I WILL GRANT YOU 3 PATRIOTIC WISHES. HERE ARE MY CONDITIONS:

1. THEY MUST BE SIMPLE WISHES. I HAVE BEEN RELEASED EARLIER THAN MY THOUSAND YEAR REST PERIOD, I DO NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO MAKE GREAT CHANGES

2. THEY MUST ONLY BE WISHES THAT CAN AFFECT INDIA FOR I AM  THE SPIRIT OF  INDIAN PATRIOTIC SONG AND I MUST KEEP UP APPEARANCES

3. THE WISHES I GRANT MUST CAUSE A LONG LASTING IMPACT. I CAN ONLY RETURN A THOUSAND YEARS LATER SO I DO NOT WANT TO GRANT A WISH THAT WILL BE MEANINGLESS BY THE TIME I RETURN.

NOW, NAME YOUR WISHES. IF THEY MEET MY CONDITIONS, I WILL GRANT THEM. IF THEY DO NOT, I WILL BURN YOU TO ASHES AND DOOM YOU TO ETERNAL SUFFERING...

Trust me. This really happened. People don't lie on the internet right?


2. The problem statement

Unfortunately for me, I seem to have come across the only neurotic Genie in existance. I mean, seriously Genie bro, if my wish doesn't live up to your artifically inflated high expectations, why don't you just reject it and move on? Do you really have to be like my girlfriend and threaten to incinerate me? Not cool dude...

But I'm not a guy who'll whine about a bad situation. Let's make the best of it. The problem statement is simple: Come up with 3 wishes that will affect India, in a deep way, that are simple to implement (for a Genie) and will have a lasting impact on India for a long time.  Simple right?

Right off the bat, we can eliminate some bad ideas:

• Bring Peace to the land - Won't last a thousand years
• Bring Peace to land for a thousand years - Too complicated
• Make India's neighbors be friendly to India for a thousand years - Wish is outside the Genie's Jurisdiction
• Give us good politicians - Logical impossibility. Universe will explode in a swirl of self contradiction and cease to exist if this wish is granted
• Let people have general common sense - Logical impossibility. People have different opinions, so the definition of common sense can never be "general" enough to span an entire country
• Let nobody in India do bad things for a thousand years - This is a poorly disguised version of same problem as asking for general common sense across India. Won't work

If you know of any other bad ideas that should also be on this list, please let me know. 

What does that leave us with? We can strike down all ideas that involve geo-political changes because our genie won't let us. We can strike down all common-sense ideas because common sense can not be common enough to be common sense.  We can ignore all political changes because we really don't want the universe to disappear in a puff of smoke from logical self contradictions.

That still leaves us with a lot of options, and I'm going to pick 3 because
1. The Genie asked me and not you
2. It's my blog post

Having said that, I decided I was going to ask the Genie for these 3 wishes:

3. My Wishes

I. PROTECT THAT WHICH IS ALREADY GOOD IN INDIA

For my first wish, I don't want to forget the million things that are already amazing in India. The most useful thing a genie can grant us is the ability to protect that which all of us cherish. I must point out that this isn't the same as preserving that which is good - protecting but not preserving allows for some growth to occur, allows flexibility and change to keep up with a rapidly changing world.

II. LET THE SCIENCES, ART, CULTURE, EDUCATION AND INDUSTRY FLOURISH

This is a safe, all encompassing wish. In 700 BCE, Rome and Athens were at the peak of their science, art, culture, education and industry. In 1650 AD, Italy was the hot bed of science, art, culture, education and industry. In the late 1800, Vienna was thriving with cafes where the modern western society was being conceived. If India were to be the next hotspot for advances in these fields, India will have a lot to be very very proud of for the next thousand years.

III. ABOLISH ALL PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT IN MATING/FINDING A PARTNER

My most specific wish of the day. I can solve a whole bunch of problems with this one fix. Vote bank politics? Tell me how you'll assign caste to any person when everyone alive is the product of 5 generations of inter-caste marriages. Too many Engineers/Doctors? Problem will go away when parents stop thinking of potential marriage alliances they can make or receive based on the education qualifications they can list on Bharat Matrimony. Too many health problems in old age? Wait till everyone starts hitting the gym in their teens to get fit and gain a competitive advantage for the best girlfriend/boyfriend. Population of India is too high? Wait till having 5 failed relationships in the past is common and everyone wants to spend quality time in a relationship to make sure it's working before thinking about having a kid.

4. Never Trust a Genie

I was so sure of myself. I had thought this problem through. The genie could not burn me to a crisp for asking for these 3 wishes - there's nothing in there that isn't simple, doesn't require changes outside India and won't have a long lasting impact. I was confident as I approached the figure of smoke and shadows.

I asked for my wishes.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The genie bellowed, in a bone chilling reverberating boom that woke up my neighbor aunty.

FOOL! DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT I AM AN *INDIAN* PATRIOTIC GENIE?

This did not look good...

DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK I WAS GOING TO DO ALL THIS HARD WORK, FOR NO PAY, FOR NO BENEFITS, NO STOCK OPTIONS AND NO JOB SECURITY? I HAVE A WIFE AND 3 KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU KNOW...

ALL YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS FREEDOM. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TO BUY 1 PAN MASALA PACKET. 

SO, THIS IS WHAT I WILL DO: I CHARGE *YOU* WITH ACCOMPLISHING YOUR OWN 3 WISHES. I WILL ONLY SUPERVISE AND OFFER ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS. BUT YOU MUST FIX YOUR OWN FUTURE.

OBEY ME HUMAN! MAKE YOUR OWN WISHES COME TRUE, OR I WILL BURN YOU ALIVE.

With this, my pyromaniac genie disappeared in a graceful swirl of gentle smoke, and the next song on my CD resumed. Sadly, it wasn't anything epic, just an old song from hum aapke hai kaon. I had nothing to say at this point, I was as cold, numb and blank as empty interstellar space.

5. AN ENDING

Today, I'm sitting in a executive lobby at a Taj hotel in Chennai, waiting for my visa appointment at the US Consulate. I have avoided being burned alive by my arsonist genie because I've discussed these ideas with enough people I know that the genie believes they will last a thousand years.

I'm not taking any chances though. That's the real reason behind this blog post. My hope is that you will contemplate these ideas, modify them to suit your own sensibilities and pass them along to your friends. If enough people talk about getting any of these wishes to come true, maybe something will eventually happen.

Or maybe I should stop drinking this wine - it appears to be messing with my head a little and is invoking buried stress from 3 weeks of constant bombardment from my relatives on when i was getting married and how a certain girl they know is the perfect match for me...


[1] https://youtu.be/jDn2bn7_YSM
[2] Yep, reference to Mistborn! Start here: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/68428.The_Final_Empire

Book 2: Change. Chapter 1: Quarter life crisis.

[Recap 2010 - 2015]

"You fucked up dude. No excuses. You fucked up"

"Yes, I did"

"Good. What are you going to do next?"

"I don't know. Sit back and see where this is all going to go to?"

What else could I do? What else was there left for me to do? 

This was September 2013. Or was it 2014? I don't know. I really do not know. So much has happened, and yet nothing has really changed. I'm still here, you're still here reading this, and the earth continues to twirl, whirl and hurl itself through space.

To you all who have been with me from the beginning, here is a recap. To those of you who don't know me, here is a good point to start from. To those of you who know this story or have been part of it, this is how I remember events and I still love you all.

Part 1: Save Point

In 2010, an idea that was lurking in the back of my head finally matured: it was time for me to grow up and move out of my parent's house. In 2011, I graduated from our beloved VTU, had my heart completely destroyed and I enrolled myself at the University of Texas at Arlington. I flew half way across the planet, started a new life with absolutely nothing but myself and a little financial support from my family to pay for my school.

Long story short, The University of Texas at Arlington made me the person I am today. I had a lot of growing up to do and I had a lot of issues in my life that I wanted to fix - I learnt to live with and accept an imperfect world filled with good people and good hearts. I found friends. I made friends. I let go of some of my old beliefs. I strengthend some of my old beliefs. The world continued to twirl, whirl and hurl.

In 2012, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee one day. A guy on my team walked up to me and gave me the best advice I had received in a long time. "Man up!" he told me. "Stop complaining, deal with pain, deal with exhaustion and man up". And I did. My life changed forever

Part 2: A New Hope

"The only thing left inside the jar was Hope"

Few people are lucky enough to find Hope when they need it the most. I didn't just find Hope, I kissed her. The odds of me finding someone so perfect is so incomprehensibly small that I was left wondering if there was something other than a rational, deterministic universe at work here. If I needed any fixing to be made, she helped me fix it. I learnt to trust, love and laugh. I learned to Hope. I fell in love. I found myself a job, I purchased my first car, I got my first paycheck, and I was making more money than what I would have ever dreamt possible. 
If fate was a person, living, breathing and moving, she would have a very cruel sense of humor. In 2011, when I was at the bottom of a deep black depression, I had asked if anything was worse than living with a broken heart. In 2013 I found the answer - I broke the heart of the girl who gave me hope and I had to live with it. We tried to see if we could work around fate, see if I could avoid having to see her suffer, but it could not be so. Fate is a harsh mistress, and I can only suffer for what I have done.   The world continues to twirl, whirl and hurl.

Part 3: Enter the Void

Wake up. Shower. Morning traffic. Meetings, email and cubicle buzz. Evening Traffic. Dinner, podcast and bed. Repeat 475 times. This is not meditation. This is not discipline. This is just boring ol' adult life.

Welcome to being an adult. Where friends are hard to find, surprises are never around the corner and a weekend doing laundry is more desirable than a weekend with alcohol and hangovers. Every day is the same as the day before, every hour is just a relentless military march of seconds tick past, never slowing, never stopping, never giving a moment's break to pause and take a breath. My job description does a better job at describing my entire life better than it does describing my regular job. I have a shoe box filled with failed hobby attempts. I have to calorie-count to not grow any more fat. If my computer breaks down, I would rather buy a new one than dig through config files and ubuntu forums. My box of 16 pastel colors could have been 16 shades of greys and I would see no difference.

The world continues to twirl, whirl and hurl

Part 4: Learning to Fly

I have a theory - every once in a while, the world runs into something unexplained, and wakes up its inhabitants with a violent jolt. This is not physical. This is quite possibly not even real. But it is helpful to think this is real in order to understand what happened to me next. I woke up with a jolt.

I had fallen asleep without knowing I had fallen asleep. I had explained away a long string of life events as a simple consequence of good and evil forces playing a tug of war with my Facebook timeline as the rope. Today I have woken up. An old fire, perhaps one put in here by Eru Ilúvatar himself, has been rekindled, and finally I want to live again.

It is time to let go of the void and learn to fly.

I hope you all will join me for this ride. Let's go and explore the unknown.

Sometimes, drunk people are great with words

Wine.
It was bad.
But I was bored,
and I'll leave the rest unsaid.

-A drunk girl.

When you are down, you ask...

Is life only a test to see how far one can go before giving up? Do ambitions fail because life s only about how long one can hang on before will is broken?

Is it time that I finally give up and soak in all its shit the Universe wants to throw at me?

Sign hacked near the University of Pittsburgh!

First one to find this gets a chocolate bar from me!! (Only if you are in Pittsburgh).

Let the comments roll...

How do you prepare for a phone interview?

Yep, it worked!